Natural Conclusions
by Volaiel
Summary: Residents of Konoha have a habit of calling Naruto "demon brat" or "Nine-tailed brat". He draws the natural conclusion
1. Conclusions drawn

Disclaimer:

This is a story on a fanfiction site. For those of you who do not know what fanfiction is and are too lazy to use a dictionary or google, google says: "fiction written by a fan of, and featuring characters from, a particular TV series, movie, etc." For those dunces too moronic to extrapolate what that means: I do not own any rights to Naruto. Thank you.

The fact that disclaimers seems to be needed on a site dedicated to fanfiction for a story that is labeled as fanfiction is sad a statement on the collective intelligence of humanity.

* * *

It was a sunny, peaceful day in Konoha. The prosperous ninja village was such a tranquil sight that a visitor would never guess it had nearly been destroyed a little under six and a half years ago. All physical signs of the attack had long since been removed or repaired, leaving only the wounds in the hearts and minds of the villagers to tell of its passing. Well, that and the loud, blond-haired, blue-eyed nuisance currently trying to sneak into a supermarket.

The hungry six-year-old cautiously crept into the store. If he was lucky and fast, he would be able to grab some ramen, set some money on the counter, and leave before the man manning the register looked up from his book. Ramen was his favorite. It was cheap, could be prepared with nothing more than hot water and a bit of patience, and was available anywhere. He nervously slid through isles, searching for his prize. He saw bread, raw meat, milk, canned stuff that he couldn't eat because his can opener was broken again, and no ramen. _Holy Ramen!_ The store owner must have moved it.

Quietly, keeping his steps light, Naruto snuck around the last line of shelves, his back to the register. _There it is!_ With a suppressed gasp of delight, the young boy darted forward, his hand reaching upwards for the precious noodles almost out of his reach on the third shelf. Just as he was about to touch his prize, a rough hand grabbed his arm and yanked him around. Naruto found himself facing a furious owner.

"What do you think you're doing in my store, Nine-tailed brat? We don't serve demons here!" Roughly, the red-faced man dragged the boy to the door and flung him out of the shop. As the blond boy stumbled and fell onto the street, the man spat, "Don't ever come back here, demon brat, or I'll be reporting you for theft!"

"That's not fair! I always pay! And I'm not a demon, you idiot! I'm going to be hokage! Believe it!" Naruto yelled back, hiding his pain behind bravado. He forced himself not to react to the bruised arm or bloody knees from the fall. He was tough. This stupid store owner would learn his place when he was hokage. Then he wouldn't dare hurt him or throw him out for stupid reasons!

"Hokage? Don't make me laugh! Scat! Begone!" The man moved towards Naruto, looking ready to do some damage. Naruto's stomach growled, and he decided that he had had enough. He really didn't need _more_ pain. The hokage or one of his ANBU would drop by his apartment tonight with food. He would just have to wait another four hours. He could also try another shop. As the six-year-old walked away, he found himself remembering a store he had seen a week ago when he had walked through a ninja district with the hokage. _Maybe the owner will be nice._ With new hope, Naruto changed direction, heading towards the part of town holding the Aburame and Hyuuga compounds.

As Naruto approached the store, he heard voices.

"You'll never believe what that Mikoto's brats did the other day! Itachi decided to teach his little brother how to make fireballs. Of course, any sensible person would know not to teach a six-year-old to spit fire, but Itachi's still a kid, in the end. Chunnin or no."

"Did he set Fugaku on fire? Please say he did."

"Hahahaha… Nothing that good, unfortunately. But he did manage to set three of the houses in their district on fire. Itachi ended up using a water dragon jutsu to put it out, and now half the district is flooded! Did you see all the mud on the military patrol's boots?"

"Is that why Katsu looked so damp this morning? I thought he had fallen in the river."

"Yeah. Almost as good as some of the stuff Iruka used to pull. Anything new on your end?"

Naruto peeked around the corner at the two ninja chatting on the steps of the shop. He was too cautious and shy to enter with them standing there. Plus, he was a little scared of what they could do to him. Many civilians grumbled about him being around, and a handful had beaten him in the past, especially during his birthday. Who knew how an unknown ninja would react?

The ninja wearing covering clothes and sunglasses replied, "I heard that Hyuuga brat, the one whose father got offed by Kumo for stopping a kidnapping, got in a fight with another one of the Hyuuga brats yesterday in the middle of the main street. Something about how much he hates the main house."

"Poor bastard. Being tortured by your own family on a whim can't be fun. Why they haven't found a more humane version of their precious seal by now is beyond me. Sooner or later one of the branch members is going to kill all of them in their sleep."

The other snorted. "Way to turn the conversation morbid, man. Anyway, I'd better get this stuff to the house before it goes bad. See you around!" The ninja vanished in a flurry of leaves.

"Aburame brat. Showing off flashy techniques. Who does he think he is, Shisui?" The other ninja strode off.

With a sigh of relief, Naruto took a step towards the store, then froze. He replayed what he remembered of that conversation in his brain. Brat mean child, right? Itachi was is classmate, Sauske's, older brother. And his mother's name was Mikoto. _Sauske set his house on fire?!_ _And people call me destructive._ Naruto couldn't help but grin. He bet Sauske got in so much trouble for that.

Naruto couldn't help but feel jealous of the popular boy. His classmates flocked to him. Adults liked him for his name. Ninja laughed when he set his house - and two others!- on fire. If Naruto did the same thing - he shuddered at the thought. Though a part of him wondered if he would at least get some recognition if he set a teacher's house on fire. Or the store he had just been thrown out of.

Naruto came out of his shock quickly, and was heading towards the store again when another thought struck. _"Hyuuga brat. Uchiha brat. Mikoto's brat. Aburame brat._ " These iterations of a common appellation of his - brat - struck a chord of memory deep inside him. He paused, feeling that he was on the verge of solving out a very important puzzle. Then it struck him. Every use of the word brat meant child, but it also had another meaning. Mikoto's brat mean that Mikoto was Sauske's mother. Hyuuga brat mean that the child they had mentioned, whoever he was, was a child of the Hyuuga clan. In other words, his parents were Hyuugas. So when a person called someone a so-and-so brat, they meant he was a member of that can, or that so-and-so was his parent. It wasn't always an insult!

Quickly, Naruto tried to remember every time he had heard the word used that way. It made sense. But that meant - no, that couldn't be right, could it? _Nine-tailed brat. Demon brat._ Naruto sat down, legs feeling weak. The Hokage told him that he wasn't a demon, so he had long since decided that most of Konoha's population was deluded. However, the Hokage never told him about his parents. He claimed not to know, but everyone knew politicians and ninja both lied for a living, and the Hokage, for all that he loved and supported Naruto, was both. He might not have wanted to tell Naruto the truth. After all, being told your parent was a demon would be scary. The Hokage had explained white lies to Naruto a few years ago. Wouldn't this have been one?

Shaking, Naruto crawled his way back into the alley he had been hiding in. He hugged his knees, crying. _The Nine-tailed fox was my parent._ It was even worse than believing he had been abandoned, or that his parents were dead. He had at least been able to imagine that they were good ninja.

After sobbing for what must have been half an hour, a tired Naruto suddenly had an incongruous thought. _Was the fox a male or a female_? Naruto may not know how children were made, but he knew that all children had two parents of opposite genders. He had never wondered whether the Nine-tailed fox of legend was a boy or a girl. It seemed strange to think of the fox like that. He giggled a little, insane-sounding giggle as he suddenly had a picture of himself calling a fox the size of the Hokage tower "mommy."

That was another issue. How could his mom or dad be a fox? All of his classmates had two human parents, though he had heard a few bullies speculate that Shino's dad was more bug than human.

After giving that dilemma due consideration, the six-year-old decided that it probably didn't matter. The fox was really, really powerful. Normal ninja could henge into other people and even weapons. In fact, he was working on a prank henge to catch perverts. Who knew what a demon powerful enough to level a ninja village do? Maybe it could turn into a human instead of just using a henge. Or maybe it used weird demon powers to make a baby. After all, who said you needed two humans? The Hokage only told him you needed a boy and a girl who loved each other very, very much. Feeling a bit crushed, Naruto broke down again.

* * *

A few hours later, a calmer boy with a tear-streaked face made it into the store. Either not recognizing him or feeling pity for the obviously upset boy with bloody knees, the owner sold him ramen for half price, which cheered Naruto up considerably. He thanked the owner gratuitously, though he wasn't sure he could bring himself to go back to the place where he had learned such horrible truths any time soon.

He staggered back to his house, spaced out and nearly oblivious to his surroundings despite the glorious Ramen he carried. He met a very alarmed Hokage at the door to his apartment, and was quickly bundled inside and comforted.

Hiruzen finally asked Naruto, "What's wrong, Naruto? What upset you so much? Did someone hurt you?"

Naruto sniffed. He wasn't sure that he should tell the Hokage that he knew the secret of his parentage, but tried to anyway. After all, he loved the old man. "I- I ran out of food this morning." Naruto stammered, rambling a bit. "I went to the store and the mean man threw me out again. He called me Nine-tailed brat. Everyone calls me the Ni-Nine tailed brat. When they say a kid is someone's b-brat *sob*, they mean that that person is the k-kids…" Naruto trailed off, not sure he could finish. He sniffled a bit. Finally, he blurted out his most pressing question so quickly that the words nearly blurred together. Looking at the old man's robes, he said, "Was the Nine-tailed fox my mommy or my daddy?"


	2. Aftermath

If Naruto had been looking up, he would have seen one of the extraordinarily rare occasions in Hiruzen's life that the Professor was reduced to utter speechlessness. The old man froze, gazing down at the blond-haired child in shock, his mouth literally hanging open. It was a look people would pay to see.

Hiruzen Sarutobi had, over the last few years, imagined many scenarios in which Naruto learned about the fox sealed in his stomach or stumbled across his parent's identities. He had prepared speeches and imagined literally hundreds of scenarios in which Naruto came to him with questions. Never in his life had he imagined _this_. He stammered incoherently for a minute or so, too shocked to even consider a response.

Eventually, the shell-shocked man got his act together and pulled the boy's face up, meeting his eyes. "Naruto… The Nine-tailed fox isn't your parent. You know that you need a boy and a girl to make a baby, right?"

Naruto nodded. He looked at him and said. "That is why I want to know. Was it my mommy or daddy? You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I'm not a little kid anymore."

The Hokage wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry. He was NOT going to give a six-year-old the talk. Those guileless blue eyes stared into his, and Hiruzen calmly explained, "The Nine-tailed fox was a mass of sentient chakra, Naruto. It didn't have a real body. So it most likely did not have a gender."

Naruto nodded seriously. He didn't understand some of those words, like 'sentient', but he got the idea. _So my mommy or daddy could be a boy or a girl whenever he/she wanted. Weird._ The men who lived on the third floor would be jealous. Everyone would let them marry if one of them could be a girl sometimes.

"So was it my mommy or my daddy when it made me?" he asked innocently.

Hiruzen had an urge to bang his head on the table. He managed to repress it mostly because his lap was currently full of blond-haired child. "Naruto… I already said the fox isn't your parent. **_You aren't related to the demon._** Your mother was a wonderful ninja who loved ramen, just like you. Your father…" Hiruzen caught himself. He had almost leaked Naruto's parent's identities to a _six-year-old_! Anything he told Naruto would be all over the village by the end of the week. He would blurt everything out the next time another child called him a clan-less orphan. "I won't tell you about your father until you are older. It's an S-class secret." It was a cop-out, but hopefully Naruto would believe him now. He couldn't claim not to know again, because Naruto clearly realized he knew who his parents had been. He also refused to dirty Minato's memory by claiming someone else was Naruto's father. However, the last thing the world needed was another jinchuriki who believed his captive was his parent. Suna's was bad enough.

Naruto looked at him with wide eyes. "My mother was a ninja? Did you know her?" Thankfully, this seemed to cheer him up.

Sarutobi closed his eyes and sighed with relief. For the next half hour, he told Naruto many little things about Kushina. He described her temper, her love of Ramen, and even that she was a kenjutsu master. He even related a few tales of their interactions over the years. However, he told Naruto that he would not give him her name or any identifying information for fear people would figure out his father's identity.

After that, he took the much calmer boy on a walk to the market to buy some food. While he was there, he discretely asked Naruto which store owner had thrown him out that day and called him "demon brat." The man was going to pay for the shock Hiruzen had received this evening and for daring to kick a cute, helpless shinobi orphan out of his store for no good reason. Maybe Ibiki would be able to spare the time for a chat with the man? Ibiki had a knack for intimidation that would remind the idiot civilian of his manners. It wouldn't do for Naruto to learn about the fox before he made Chunnin or his father before he became a Jounin at the very least.

When he left, Naruto seemed to be on the road to recovery, if slightly traumatized. He was delighted to learn that his mother was a ninja, and seemed to have latched onto what he had told him with great fervor. He wouldn't be surprised if Naruto was caught trying to steal a sword by the end of the week. After all, he only left the boy with enough pocket money for snacks and a few basic items. There was no way he could afford a sword.

* * *

Naruto was feeling much better by the time he went to bed that night. His mother was a loyal, hard-working ninja. She sounded so cool! Now he knew for sure that he hadn't been abandoned, and found it reassuring that at least one of his parents was a good, loyal, human ninja. It was too bad the Hokage didn't think he could trust him with his father's identity, though. He didn't have to lie. However, Naruto could appreciate that only certain people, mostly high-ranking jounins with the hokage's trust, were supposed to know S-ranked secrets, so he could understand why his jiji was trying to cover it up.

Naruto knew that there was a secret involving him and the fox, even if he hadn't known what it was before today. After all, drunk villagers often found themselves dragged off by friends when they started shouting about the fox's attack being his fault. He heard the friends mention S-ranked secrets and the Third's law. So there was a S-rank secret involving him and the fox, and the Third said that his father's identity was an S-rank secret. He was certain that he wasn't important enough to have two S-ranked secrets protecting him, no matter how nice the old man was. So the fox was his daddy.

However, after learning about his mother, he was no longer so perturbed by this knowledge. The Hokage had said his mother loved his father, and that he had approved of the match. Therefore, there was probably more to the story behind the attack on the village. Had his father been controlled? He had heard a few horror stories about those unfortunate enough to piss off genjutsu and puppet masters. Had the fox gone mad? Had he deceived everyone like a spy? No matter what the situation may be, Naruto was sure he would learn about it after he became a ninja. Plus, he knew he had a human mother. He remembered a day long ago when the Hokage had reassured him that he wasn't a demon. Jiji had told him the truth, as he usually did. Naruto was half-human, and had concluded that he got most of his traits from his mother's side of the family. Plus, with the power of a demon and a mother as awesome as his, he was definitely going to be the strongest shinobi in the village. Becoming hokage suddenly seemed much easier.

Naruto fell asleep with a grin on his face and thoughts of getting a sword like his mother's.

* * *

True to the hokage's prediction, Naruto was hauled into his office by an amused ANBU before the week was up. He was caught trying to get his hands on a sword. Thankfully, he had already planned how to handle this.

Hiruzen looked at the hyperactive blond pacing his room. "So, Naruto, I hear you want a sword. Are you sure you want to learn kenjutsu?"

"Yeah, old man. I'm going to be even better than my mommy - mom. Believe it!" Naruto gave the hokage a wide, happy grin. He was going to be Hokage someday, so he definitely needed to be better than his mother, who was only a jounin. The Hokage was the strongest ninja in the village, after all!

Hiruzen grinned back at the boy, feeling his mood improve. Naruto really was a breath of fresh air after a day sending ninja on potentially fatal missions, arguing with his old teammates and the council, and a visit to T&I. "Why aren't you calling your mother mommy anymore?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Only little babies call their moms mommy. Sauske and Hibachi and Kiba all said so." Naruto said, looking a bit leery. Hiruzen had to wonder whether he had been bullied or whether he just wanted to look more grown up. He hoped it was the latter. "Can I get a sword now, old man?"

Hiruzen repressed a snort. He really should teach Naruto manners, but he did enjoy the change of pace. "If you want to get a sword and learn kenjutsu, you need to promise me three things, Naruto," he declared seriously.

Naruto looked nervous and excited. "What do you want, old man?"

"First, promise me that you won't practice with your sword indoors unless you are in a training area and you have permission. I am serious about this, Naruto." Hiruzen was certain that if he failed to impress the importance of this order on Naruto, the boy would destroy half his apartment and good amount of Academy property. He really did not want to deal with the extra bills and paperwork.

Naruto looked him in the eyes and agreed. "Okay, old man. I promise not to practice indoors without permision." He looked anxiously at the hokage, clearly putting his all into being patient.

"Second, I want you to promise not to spar with anyone using a real, sharp sword until I give you permission." Hiruzen could already picture an over-enthusiastic Naruto challenging one of his classmates to a spar and injuring him. Naruto really couldn't afford the dip in reputation that would cause, considering how he was already treated. Or worse yet, and quite likely, Naruto could challenge _Sauske Uchiha_ to a spar. The boy might not know kenjutsu yet, but he had enough training to do some damage. He didn't want to risk Naruto being hospitalized, and he knew Naruto was just too stubborn for his own good. Unfortunately, the shinobi training from clans usually led to children being less hesitant to hurt others.

"Okay, old man. I promise. Can I have a sword now?" Naruto asked, gazing at him eagerly. Hiruzen chucked.

"You have only given me two promises, Naruto. Now, I want you to repeat what you just promised me before you make the third promise."

Naruto scowled at him impatiently. "I promised not to spar with anyone using a real sword until you let me."

Hiruzen nodded at the young, impatient boy. "Good, Naruto. Now, the last promise I want you to make is serious. I want you to take lessons from whatever kenjutsu master I assign. You have to be polite to your kenjutsu sensei and pay attention to what he tells you."

Naruto looked doubtful "But what if he hates me?" _Lots of people hate me because my father almost destroyed the town._

"You can always tell me, and I will try to get you another teacher. However, not many shinobi are willing to teach. It may be a long time before I can find another. That is also why you should try to be polite," Hiruzen reasoned.

Naruto squinted at him a bit warily, then nodded. "I promise to listen to my teacher and be nice to them if they are nice to me."

Hiruzen chucked again and agreed. It was only fair. He was glad to see evidence that Naruto had a better head on his shoulders than most people realized.

"Now can I go get a sword, old man? The store had this awesome sword I was looking at. It was huge and the hilt was orange!" Naruto pleaded, flushed with excitement and energy.

Hiruzen rose and pulled two short swords from their hiding space under his desk. One was wooden and the other was in a sheath. "I have one for you right here, Naruto. I also got you a practice sword."

Naruto ran forward and grabbed them. "Cool! Thank you, old man!" Then he frowned. "But what about the cool sword I saw? I want that sword."

Hiruzen hesitated. Naruto was still far too small for any adult sword. Even geniuses like Kakashi stuck to short swords and knives until they were at least ten or eleven. He knew better than to point it out, however. Naruto would take it as a challenge. "Keep an eye on that sword, Naruto. You need to learn the basics first, like learning the basic handseals before trying a henge. Maybe in a few years."

Naruto scowled at him, pouting a bit. However, the boy quickly gathered himself and glanced thoughtfully at his swords. "You mean I can get one like that when I get older?"

Hiruzen nodded seriously. Hopefully, Naruto would change his mind or forget the sword. He did not have the body type for large blades.

Naruto smiled happily at him. "Thanks, old man! I'll practice until I'm as good as my mommy. Believe it! And don't worry, I won't tell anyone that the S-ranked secret is that the fox is my daddy! So you don't have to lie." And out the door he went, leaving a speechless Hokage and snickering ANBU.

This time Hiruzen _did_ bang his head on the desk. Repeatedly. Unfortunately, it would appear Naruto had inherited his mother's stubborn streak.

The desk broke on the eighth bang.


	3. The Students Panic

The ninja academy in Konoha was a lively place. It had become especially so over the course of the last week, after a young, blond-haired blue-eyed ninja-in-training had arrived at school after an interesting conversation with the Hokage.

One bright, overly sunny morning, Naruto arrived early at the academy wearing a sword. He had somehow gotten a brand new short sword. Another early arrival, one Kiba Inuzuka, quickly took note of his new acquisition.

"Yo, Naruto. Where'd you get the sword?" he asked.

Naruto grinned at him. "The old man gave them to me. I'm going to be even better at kenjustu than my m-mom." He caught himself on time to avoid saying 'mommy' this time. "Believe it!"

Kiba snorted with laughter. "Are you still on about that? You don't have a mom, Naruto."

Naruto glared at him. "I have a mommy, Kiba! The Hokage told me all about her and she sounds awesome! Believe it!"

Kiba laughed outright. "The Hokage? Talk to a loser like you? Yeah, right. What a joke."

Naruto glared even harder.

"Stop calling me a liar!" He yelled.

Kiba stuck out his tongue. "Then admit you're making it up!"

"No way! I'm not a liar!"

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!" yelled Naruto, trying to punch Kiba. Kiba dodged to the side and hit him in the stomach. Naruto doubled over, gasping for breath.

"Like the hokage would ever spend time with you." Kiba sneered. "If you aren't lying then you're crazy." He stormed into the school building.

Naruto spent a minute recovering before he could stand up normally again. "What's wrong with him today?" he wheezed. Under normal circumstances he enjoyed spending time with Kiba, even if they were not friends. Kiba was always up for a good prank. He sighed and walked to the classroom.

A few minutes later, Sakura and Ino approached his desk. "Where'd you get the swords?" Ino asked. "My dad won't let me try one yet. He says I'm not old enough. People have graduated the academy that are younger than us!"

Naruto eyed her warily. "I told the old man that I wanted to learn kenjustu like my mom and he gave them to me," he stated after a moment of consideration.

Sakura hit him. "Idiot. We all know you have no idea who your parents are."

Naruto rubbed his head and scowled for a moment. Then he beamed at her. He really wanted to be her friend, even if he had already lost his first chance. "I do, Sakura! The old man finally told me a bit about my mom. She was a super-cool ninja! Believe it!"

Sakura scowled deeply at him. "So what was her name then?"

Naruto grinned happily. _She believes me!_ "He wouldn't tell me because he didn't want anyone to figure out who my daddy is. He had a lot of enemies."

Sakura and Ino exchanged a look. Ino rolled her eyes. Sakura hit him. "Stop making up stories, idiot!" she exclaimed, storming away.

As they walked off he heard Ino ask her, "Do you think he has an imaginary mom like Kiba's imaginary friend?"

"No. He didn't even bother to make up a name."

Naruto scowled and lay his head on his arms. He bit back tears. He'd show them! When he was big and strong he'd know his mom's name, and he'd tell everyone! He was sure of it.

* * *

As the day went on, Naruto was plagued by whispers and mocking jeers.

"Does the little brat think his mommy was a ninja?" asked an older student.

"Did you hear? Naruto's got an imaginary mommy."

"That delinquent everyone hates is making up stories about his parents."

"He has parents?"

"Do you think he stole that sword?"

"Maybe we should take it back to the owner."

Needless to day, Naruto was furious and upset by the time lunch rolled around. So maybe it shouldn't have surprised his teachers when he pulled a "prank" and snuck bugs into everyone's lunches. When Mizuki dressed him down in the classroom, he grinned foolishly at him. "When I'm Hokage no one will say I my mommy is made up. Believe it!"

This, of course, led to getting detention again. Why did everyone hate him? _Oh yeah, my daddy attacked the village_. Naruto felt a spark of resentment. He wasn't sure if he should hate his daddy or the people being mean to him, though. It wasn't his fault!

Naruto silently resolved to never let Sakura know about his daddy. She would never be friends with him if she knew.

* * *

After two weeks of relentless pranking, Naruto's classmates and teachers were all nearing their final straw. He spent every night in detention, and the taijutsu instructor took to hitting him even harder than usual. Mizuki and Iruka had him stand in the hallway for almost every class because Naruto was a constantly yelling at the people who said his mommy was made up.

Finally, realizing that hitting wouldn't stop the idiot, Sakura and Ino remembered that ninja were supposed to be able to deceive enemies. Maybe they could get him to leave them alone if they pretended to believe him? Sakura drew the short straw and had to try talking to him. Thus, on the Tuesday of the third week after Naruto made up a story about his mother, she walked over to him at lunch and smiled softly at the noisy, delinquent eye-sore. Well, she tried to.

"So, Naruto, can you tell me about your mommy?" she asked him gently.

He gave her a grin and began spouting some made up stories that made it sound like he had actually talked to the Hokage on a regular basis. It was hard not to laugh. As he continued, she bacame more and more frustrated. Finally, the girl burst out, "I don't believe you, idiot!"

Naruto stared at her with big, hurt eyes. She almost felt bad for a moment, but forced herself to ignore it. "Sakura? I thought you believed me," he said with a look of betrayal.

She snorted. "As if! I just wanted lunch without bugs in it!"

"But- But you were being so nice to me…" Naruto asked with a look of betrayal.

"You don't know who your mommy is! Or your daddy! You're just making up stories." Sakura ranted. "Get a grip! You can't tell us names because you don't have a mommy or daddy and know we know about it! My mom said so!"

Naruto glared at her. "I do _so_ know who my daddy is!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too! It's an S-class secret!"

"Hah! Like the hokage would make and S-class secret for you, moron!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!" He yelled, furious tears in his eyes.

"Did not!" she yelled, punching him on the head.

"Ow! That hurts, Sakura!"

She hit him again. "Then stop making things up!"

"Why won't you be nice to me?"

"My mom says to avoid liars like you!"

He scowled. "I'm not a liar! She just hates me because of my dad!"

"Does not!" Her mom wasn't so petty.

Naruto looked ready to cry. "He was the nine-tailed fox!"

Sakura stared at him, her mind trying to reboot. "He's not! Foxes can't be daddys!"

"All you need is a boy and a girl who love each other very much! He could be a boy or a girl, and my mommy was a ninja, so he was my daddy." Naruto said sadly.

Sakura stared at him. Come to think of it, her parents had told her the same thing. To make a baby, you needed a boy and a girl who loved each other very much. They also told her she wouldn't learn how to make a baby until she was a lot older. She had also always wondered why so many people hated Naruto so much. Even int he was an irritating eye-sore, their attitudes were a bit much. He might just be telling the truth. She backed away cautiously. "Really?"

"I think I got my whiskers from him. But I take after my mommy. I'm not a demon!" he said earnestly. "Believe it!"

Around them, their classmates started whispering furiously and yelling. Mizuki looked like he was choking on something, getting increasingly red-faced. "Your daddy killed my parents! I'll kill you!" yelled a furious orphan, charging at him, only to be grabbed by a friend. "No! We can't fight in the classroom!"

"But he's a demon!" The teacher broke into laughter.

As the chaos unfolded, Sakura looked into Naruto's eyes. She remembered the day when she had learned that Ino's dad tortured people, and had been scared of her for a while. Her dad told her that she shouldn't blame children for their parent's actions, so she had made up with her friend later. "I believe you. You are a moron, not a demon!"

Naruto grinned. "Will you go on a date with me?"

She scowled and hit him. "No, idiot!"

"Ow!"

* * *

As the chaos unfolded, Iruka heard from a nearby classroom and walked over to see what the ruckus was. He was shocked to see the chaos taking place. He couldn't even hear himself think. "QUIET DOWN!" he yelled loudly. The ninjas-in-training (children) froze guiltily. He looked at the laughing Mizuki. "What's going on here?" _Did Naruto play another prank?_

"Bwahahahah…" he said, gasping for breath. "Th-the demon hahaha brat…" He trailed off into uncontrollable laughter. "S-S-S-class secret… hahaha."

Iruka immediately looked at the children. Clearly, something had happened and at least part of the secret had gotten out. He didn't know how bad the damage was and couldn't discuss it here without getting executed, so he dragged Mizuki out of the room, yelling, "If I find anyone not at their desks when I get back or if anyone gets into a fight, I'll give everyone twice as much homework!" The children promptly ran to their seats, whispering madly. They knew he would do it.

Almost as soon as they got into the staff room, Mizuki blurted out, "The fourth really did a good job. The demon thinks it's its own son! Bwhahahaha."

"What?"


	4. Iruka and the Council

Four hours after Mizuki's shocking pronouncement, Iruka found himself in a bind. At his suggestion, one of the janitorial staff had left to alert the Hokage. The academy's staff had received a response less than half and hour later containing orders to continue with their normal routine.

Iruka suspected that the Hokage intended to discuss this latest development with Naruto later. However, it was nearly impossible to go about his day as if nothing of note had occurred. Iruka couldn't stop wondering why Naruto thought the Fox was his father. If the boy was human, as the Hokage claimed and as Iruka had begun to suspect, it should be obvious this was not the case. If Naruto was really the Fox given flesh, why would he tell such an absurd lie? If the boy wasn't lying, how in the world had he come to such an absurd conclusion?

In the end, Iruka had to concede defeat. Every thought and action led him back to the same dilemma. He sincerely doubted he would get any work done until he had his answers. With a sigh, he set about cleaning the classroom. A quick water jutsu and some cloth left a clear blackboard. He examined each desk, checking that there were no obvious messes that needed reporting and that no one had left anything behind. He stopped at a desk near the back of the classroom. Choji Akamichi had made a mess of his desk again. There were chip crumbs and smears of something purple all over the inside of the desk. Iruka made a note of this and stuck it to the classroom door. The janitor could deal with it later. He would talk to the boy about it, but Choji had already had people harping on him about his eating habits since he entered the academy. Now the teachers rarely bothered him unless he made a larger mess.

 _Naruto should be in detention with Mizuki right now._ Iruka considered. It would not be going about things in the usual manner, but hopefully the Hokage would forgive him such a small trespass. He suspected the orders to pretend nothing interesting had occurred were to ensure the children's schedule wasn't disrupted, and as such he doubted a change in handling detentions would be penalized. Mizuki had a wife waiting at home, so getting him to swap supervision of Naruto's detention should be easy. Iruka pinched his nose in irritation, and ran his finger along the scar. _If I'm going to do this, I need to get moving._

He walked out the door, fully intent on getting his answers from the blond prankster.

* * *

Naruto grimaced as he scrubbed the toilet, Mizuki looming in the corner. He snuck a quick glare at the chuckling silver-haired man. _He's laughing at me again!_ Why was the bast— erm, meanie laughing at him? He had a feeling that his teacher was being mean, but was disconcerted to find he was unable to understand what, precisely, the man was actually laughing at. Was he actually being mean, or was Naruto just being — what had the old man called it — paranoid?

As he dipped the toilet brush back into foamy water, the door to the bathroom opened. Naruto spun around, slipping on the wet floor. He flailed frantically in an attempt to catch his balance, and slid sideways onto the toilet. His arm slid downwards and was immediately soaked up to the elbow. Naruto gagged. Even if it was soapy and supposedly clean, it was _toilet water!_

"Gross!" Naruto exclaimed and ran for the sinks, where he desperately scrubbed his hand and arm. He turned to glare at Mizuki, who he expected to still be leaning against the entrance to the toilet. _I am going to prank him so hard for making me clean the toilets! It's not fair! All I did was tell Sakura who my daddy was!_

Naruto froze. Mizuki-sensei was gone, and Iruka-sensei was standing there instead, looking at him with an incomprehensible mixture of emotions. Naruto gulped.

"What are you doing here? Where's Mizuki-sensei?" he asked hesitantly.

Iruka smiled slightly at him. "He wanted to get home to his wife. I offered to supervise your detention for the rest of the day."

Naruto noticed that he seemed to want to say something more, but was hesitating. It made him slightly nervous. Maybe Iruka hadn't known about his daddy? The instructors was a nicer person than his other teachers but he had always seemed to dislike Naruto. So he must have known, right?

"Did you want to ask about my daddy?" he asked. "Everyone else wants to talk about him." _Sakura's the only one who believes me AND still acts the same._ Naruto's certainty that he wanted her as a friend had multiplied at that realization.

"In a way…" Iruka confirmed, looking at him. "Do you mind telling me how you learned that he was your father?" he asked with obvious interest and barely-concealed confusion.

"Maybe…if I don't have to clean the rest of the bathroom for telling the truth." Naruto said cannily. Well, as cannily as a six-year-old can manage.

Iruka grimaced. "All right."

Naruto hesitated some more. "The old man said not to talk about it. It's an S-class secret."

Iruka fought an urge to groan. If Naruto wanted to keep it a secret, why had he blurted it out in the middle of a classroom? "Well, I already know the secret, so you won't be breaking the law," he pointed out. _This time_.

"You know what a lot of the villagers call me, right?" Naruto asked, then continued, nearly spitting the words. "Demon. Demon brat. Nine-Tail brat." He hated giving voice to those oft-repeated appellations.

His teacher nodded hesitantly. "Of course. It isn't easy to miss."

Naruto felt a bit of surprise and respect. Iruka had not even attempted to deny how he was treated. Many of the nicer adults would pretend they had no idea of how he was treated, or would claim that he was making mountains out of molehills. "I'm going to prove them all wrong, though! I'll be Hokage and then they'll have to respect me! Believe it!"

Iruka nearly groaned. He repeated his question to try to bring the hyperactive, nervous blond back on track. "How did you learn he was your father, though?"

Naruto returned to the topic. "Well, I was trying to buy some Ramen…"

As Naruto described the conversation he had heard, he paused, then asked, "Did Sauske really burn down his house?"

Iruka snorted despite himself. "No." Naruto pouted in disappointment. "He nearly burned down his great-aunt's house and set two other houses on fire at roughly the same time."

Naruto burst out laughing. "Sauske burned down three houses!" _That's even better! THREE!_

"Yes he did," Iruka replied, amused and filled with as sense of fearful anticipation. If he knew pranksters, and he did, Naruto was most likely already planning to do something with even more impact. "Lighting houses on fire is bad, Naruto. Don't imitate him." The kid was still laughing. "He was banned from eating Ramen for the next year." Iruka fibbed. He had no idea how Sauske's family had chosen to punish him.

Naruto stopped laughing immediately and stared at Iruka, aghast. "That's terrible!"

Iruka forced down his instinctive negative response to the demon container. "Don't ask him about it. He'll just feel even worse if you remind him." That should stop Naruto from figuring out he had been lied to.

Naruto nodded frantically, feeling sick. _No ramen for a year!_ That had to be the most terrible punishment ever invented. Well, except for no ramen for more than a year, obviously. He shuddered at the mere thought.

"Can you get back to telling me how you learned about the fox?"

Naruto nodded, relieved for the change in topic. He did not want to consider what life would be like without the food of the gods. "Well, during that conversation, I noticed something. When they said brat…"

* * *

Iruka listened to the story with growing disbelief and amusement. He could easily understand how the six-year-old had come to such an absurd conclusion. When Naruto told him about his conversation with the Hokage and the S-class secrets, Iruka fought an urge to laugh. He could not help but feel sorry for his leader. Nothing the man tried had worked, even reminding Naruto that the fox had attacked the village. The man had even sworn that Naruto was unrelated to the fox.

Iruka wondered who Naruto's parents were. However, he chose not to consider the subject very deeply. The poor child was far from the only shinobi whose parentage had been hidden. Bodyguards were expensive. As such, the village generally did not supply them to orphans, and so when the children of particularly infamous shinobi were orphaned early enough so as to be unrecognizable, their heritage was often hidden. Information on their parents and inheritance would be withheld until the child was old enough to make the choice of whether they would defend themselves, hire bodyguards, continue the deception, or were adopted by another strong ninja family.

That led to the conclusion Iruka had finally reached as he listened to the small boy's story. He had long held doubts that Naruto was actually a demon, but this story had killed the idea altogether. This mistake was the act of someone who was pure, stubborn, innocent, and childish. While he could imagine a prankster trying to act out this scenario for fun, he doubted a malicious demon would bother. Besides, Naruto was just too earnest. Iruka could not bring himself to doubt the boy's story.

So it was an amused and slightly regretful (he had resented Naruto for years, after all) teacher who finally broke down in roaring laughter as Naruto described telling the Hokage that he knew the secret and running away before the old man could be forced to lie again. _Even the Hokage has trouble dealing with a six-year-old as unpredictable as Naruto._ Iruka thought with a grin.

"Hey! What's so funny?" Naruto snapped, wondering if he should be offended. People at school normally only laughed like that for two reasons - either he had just pulled a good prank or they were making fun of him. Of course, there were exceptions, like the Hokage.

Iruka grinned at the small, blond-haired, blue-eyed brat. "Sorry. I was just imagining the Hokage's face," he chuckled. "I bet that shocked him."

Naruto grinned tentatively back. "Maybe." He noticed that the reserved, resentful look Iruka sometimes had around him had completely vanished. _Maybe he just didn't like keeping secrets?_ It would make sense. Iruka was a teacher, so he was supposed to teach ninja, not keep secrets. But he was a ninja as well as a teacher, and they all kept secrets, right? Naruto frowned in confusion.

"Why are you being nice to me now?" he asked hesitantly. He did not want to offend Iruka, but he had a feeling Iruka would tell him.

Iruka looked a bit guilty. "Well, it was because of the S-class secret," which Naruto still _did not know_ and which he still could not talk about. This would take some delicate handling to be honest without revealing village secrets or causing Naruto to feel betrayed when he finally realized that the demon was not actually his parent. "At first, I thought you were a demon," Naruto wilted at this, and Iruka's conscience stabbed him sharply. "But I've known you for a while now, and I finally made my decision. You aren't the demon, Naurto." Iruka said with a smile, patting the boy's head.

Naruto fairly _beamed_ at him. Iruka smiled hesitantly back into those happy, blue eyes. _Yeah, definitely not a demon. The Hokage was right about this kid all along._ He was shocked when the blond suddenly grabbed him in a hug. He had never seen Naruto hug anyone before.

"You're my favorite teacher, Iruka-sensei! Believe it!" he yelled with a grin. Iruka winced as his ears rang. Someone really needed to teach Naruto how to use an indoor voice.

* * *

As this conversation was taking place, Hiruzen Sarutobi was winding up a meeting with his council: Danzo Shimura, Koharu Utatane, and Homura Mitokado. As the business of the day drew to a close, the Hokage brought up a subject that had been causing him no end of frustration lately.

"Now that that business is settled, I could use some advice," Hiruzen said in deep exhaustion. "I am having some trouble getting Naruto to listen to me."

Danzo snorted. "I am good at causing emotional damage, not resolving it, Hiruzen."

Koharu added, "Children don't always understand when we are busy. You should know that by now. You've had your own, too."

Hiruzen groaned. "No, no, it's not that. You are aware of how many of the more ignorant villagers treat him, of course."

They all indicated their agreement. It was regrettable, as such treatment was bound to affect the jinchuriki's loyalty to the village, and it was painful to see their former leader's son treated as a pariah.

"Well, a few weeks ago, Naruto was listening to some ninja converse and realized that people often used the word brat when referring to someone's child. He remembered how often he has been called demon brat or Nine-tailed brat, and—"

Homura and Koharu started chuckling at this point, and even Danzo suppressed a snort of amusement. "So, he thinks the demon is his parent?"

Hiruzen nodded in resignation. "Unfortunately. Nothing I say will budge him. He's convinced I just don't want him to know an S-class secret. It doesn't help that he knows there is some sort of big secret or law about him and the fox, or that I told him I can't tell him who his parents are."

Homura started in surprise. "I thought we had agreed not to let the boy know anything of his heritage. Didn't you tell him you had no idea who they were?" he asked accusingly.

Hiruzen grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Well… I may have slipped and told him his mother was a ninja when he sat on my lap, crying, and asked me, and I quote, "Was the Nine-tailed fox my mommy or my daddy?"

Homura and Koharu stared at him in bemused shock. Danzo snorted and face-palmed, which turned three looks of shock in his direction. Danzo _never_ laughed. He believed shinobi should not show emotions — or even have them, though he had never conquered his own.

He quickly recovered and looked at them stoically. "What?"

Homura shook his head. "Nothing."

Hiruzen smiled. "It's good to see you laugh again."

"I did not laugh."

"Of course," Hiruzen nodded seriously. "You snorted."

Danzo ignored him studiously. Even the man many called War Hawk or monster had his own quirks. Hiruzen found it fun to poke at them.

"So what did you tell the boy?" asked Koharu.

Hiruzen sighed, returning to the subject at hand. "Well, the game was up the second he heard his mother was a ninja. I caught myself before I could tell him about his father, thankfully. So I tried to distract him by telling him some stories about his mother, ones that could not be used to identify her. I told him he couldn't learn her name or about his father until he was older because it was an S-class secret."

"And he still believes he is related to the fox?" she asked in disbelief.

"Have you considered giving him The Talk?" asked Homura.

"Yes and no." replied Hiruzen. "He's six. _I_ am _not_ giving him the talk." Seeing Danzo about to speak up, he added, "No one else will be either. That will wait until he is older." Danzo sat back, looking dissatisfied.

"You could tell him that his father was a loyal ninja."

"I tried. He said it was good to know his father was a powerful and loyal person before he got hypnotized or turned into a puppet and attacked the village like in that play they've got going in the theaters."

His advisors were beginning to get somewhat frustrated.

"You could just tell him who his parents were."

"No! We've been hiding children without relatives to take them in this way for decades. I don't want him having to deal with assassination attempts. The occasional attack by an angry villager scares him enough!" Hiruzen declared passionately. "He won't keep the secret - he even told his entire class he was related to the fox this morning!"

All three advisors were shocked. Danzo looked at him and asked dryly, "Is there any point to the law anymore? It only serves to spread misconceptions among the ignorant. I doubt many villages are unaware of our jinchuriki's identity at this point — all a spy would need to do is visit a local bar."

Hiruzen glared at him. "He needs a chance to make friends, have the closest thing to a normal life he can manage, and create bonds within the village."

"He is a weapon," Danzo pointed out helpfully.

"He is a boy. He is Minato's son!" Hiruzen retaliated.

Homura sighed in exasperation, cutting off the oft-repeated argument. "He does seem to have thrown that opportunity out the window with his unintentional impersonation of Suna's jinchuriki."

Hiruzen sank back into his chair. "Maybe… But I feel that he still has a chance this way. Most children should be too intelligent to believe him in another year or two."

"They are going to draw a connection to the fox now if they didn't before, Hiruzen. Even if they don't believe him, his treatment might point them in the right direction," reminded Koharu gently.

Hiruzen firmly declared, "No. That is my final word on the matter."

The three looked exasperated. "Choose some random dead ninja with no real enemies, maybe a chunnin, and say that is his father. He will get over the lie later," suggested Homura.

"No. I refuse to disgrace Minato's memory that way."

Koharu groaned. "Hiruzen. Claiming you had no idea who his parents were or that they were nameless civilians was just as bad. Would it be any worse a defilement than having the boy believe that his father is the enemy Minato gave his life to seal?"

Hiruzen glared stubbornly at his advisors. "No. I refuse to lie about his father."

Danzo slowly added, "We could use a sea—"

"No. I've told you repeatedly that I consider such means far too inhumane to use on an ally." Hiruzen said heatedly.

Danzo looked at Homura, who got the message and spoke up. "It seems there is nothing you can and will do then, Hiruzen. You won't deceive him. You won't tell him. You won't give him The Talk or any other information that would definitively prove him wrong. I, for one, am at a loss."

Koharu patted her old teammate on the shoulder. "It'll be all right, Hiruzen. Children go through phases. I'm sure he will learn his error soon enough." Her tone said she suspected it would be some time, though. Naruto was not known to be particularly bright.

Danzo added, "Any other suggestions I could make would only serve to make you angry. I'm out of ideas that you would consider."

Hiruzen looked ready to cry. "That boy is as stubborn as Kushina!" He groaned and banged his forehead on the edge of his desk, causing it to creak dangerously.

Koharu blinked in shock. "Is that what keeps happening to your desk? I noticed this one appears to be new… again."

* * *

As soon as he was back at his base and behind anti-spying and noise-suppressing seals, Danzo broke into a totally uncharacteristic belly laugh. It was one of his best-hidden secrets, but there was a reason he rarely pressed too hard for Naruto to be brainwashed like his agents, and had never made more than a single attempt to recruit him behind the Hokage's back. The boy's antics were hilarious!

Danzo grinned despite himself as he imagined a blond-haired child dropping that bomb on Hiruzen. That type of tactic belonged in T&I. Maybe the brat was a natural?

He would have to reward the boy for this laugh by discarding another short, well-illustrated pranking manual near Naruto's apartment. Maybe he would even include a nondescript note in the margins with a map of ANBU HQ. He had noticed a few of the younger ANBU slacking on their equipment checks recently.

After he had regained his composure, Danzo left to make up for his little spat of emotion by emotionally breaking some children into short-lived, traumatized ninja who could do nothing but follow orders. Another squad had perished following a stupid order from their superior, who Danzo had since put down without fanfare. Unfortunately, the inability to identify your own emotions or think for yourself had downsides, and three of his agents had actually jumped off a cliff when jokingly asked to do so.


	5. Hinata

Hinata stood off to the side of the classroom, staring at Naruto. He looked so beaten down and sad. Many of their classmates were taking his proclamation of his father's identity poorly, and it was clearly getting to him. She wondered why he had said that. Was the fox really his father? It would explain why everyone hated him. However, she was uncertain how that could come about. Thanks to her Byakugan, she had learned how babies were made shortly after she had learned to activate her eyes. The ability to see through walls had some downsides.

Had the fox been able to transform into a human male long enough to impregnate a woman? _No._ She shook her head. _It doesn't matter. Naruto is Naruto._ She sighed as she stared at him, wondering if she would ever find the courage to speak to her inspiration and personal hero. Maybe… Maybe he would marry her someday. She flushed bright red as she imagined that. It would be heavenly.

If only she could give him some encouragement. Unfortunately, she was a shy, weak failure. Her family told her that often enough.

As she watched, a classmate smacked the back of his head and taunted him. "Hey, demon-boy! Who's your daddy?" The boy taunted.

Naruto glared at him. "I'm not a demon! I'll be Hokage someday and prove you wrong! Believe it!"

The boy snorted and looked ready to taunt him some more, but was stopped by his friend. "Come on. Iruka-sensei's going to notice if you keep it up," she hissed. The boy stopped and allowed himself to be dragged off by his friend.

Hinata glared fiercely after the boy. _How dare he be so rude to Naruto-kun!_ She looked back at her young hero sadly. _Don't worry, Naruto. Everything will be all right. I know you'll become Hokage._

Naruto slumped back in his seat, angry and muttering. She could hear something about the Hokage and ramen. She smiled. She could do it this time. He needed her help. She took a deep breath and walked over to his desk.

"N…N…Naruto-kun," she stuttered hesitantly.

The boy turned his brilliant blue eyes on her. "What? Um… Hinata, right?"

She poked her fingers together nervously. Speaking to her hero was so hard! Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She glanced up at his face and flushed to the tips of her ears.

"Y-Yes." She was doing it! _I can't believe I'm actually talking to Naruto!_ She began panting with extreme anxiety.

"What do you want?" he asked her hesitantly. She could hear and edge to his voice, but reminded herself that he was still mad at the idiots hurting him, not at her.

"Um…" her breath accelerated. _I can do this!_ "Well…" she continued, staring at her fingers again. "I… I want-t-t-ed to ask…" The world seemed to be getting a bit blurry and she felt light headed. She looked up at Naruto as the world seemed to dim, his worried face the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. "… ask…" The edges of the tunnel ate into his face and her legs went weak. _Can I be your friend?_

As her world turned black, she could swear she heard him calling her name.

* * *

Naruto stared in shock as the strange girl fell to the floor in a dead faint. He jumped out of his chair and grabbed her. "Hinata! Hinata!" He shook her, but she did just lolled limply in his arms. "Iruka-sensei!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "Something's wrong with Hinata!" _Again._ Was she sick?

Iruka dashed over, took one look at the scene, and sighed. He plucked her out of Naruto's arms, and declared, "She's all right, Naruto. I'll just carry her to the nurse. She'll wake up in a little while." He turned to face the rest of the class. "All right! I'll be back in five minutes. If I find out that anyone cause trouble, you will be cleaning the toilets tonight."

Some of the children blanched at the threat. The class continued what they were doing before Hinata had fainted as Iruka carried her out of the room among a chorus of whispers. A few of the older girls shot the departing pair pitying glances. Hinata's crush was quite well known.

Naruto returned to his desk, shaking his head in amazement. Why did that girl keep approaching him when he scared her so badly that she collapsed all the time? It was weird. He had no idea what was wrong with her, but clearly stress was not good for her. Why do something that made you collapse all the time? Why approach someone you were scared of if you did not have to? After a moments consideration, Naruto came to same conclusion he did every time. _Hinata is weird._


End file.
